Well, in the eyes of the inexperienced or uninitiated, a switch is one of the many new terms or dynamics that are being introduced to the world of BDSM. However, what is a switch in BDSM, really boils down to one thing: a difference in gender preference! Let’s face it, preferences in gender can be compared to that of language preferences; where one group may prefer the use of “he” and “she”, another prefers “he” and “she”.
In BDSM, this can be likened to the English language – one group may prefer to use “he” and “she”, while another prefers “he” and “she” (or “it” and “she”). The same applies in the bedroom. One partner may prefer sex with you using “he” and “her”, while the other prefers sex with you using “she” and “it”. What is the difference? Well…a switch.
As previously mentioned, switches in BDSM can refer to a number of things. Firstly, it can refer to any physical change that occurs during sex – for example, switching positions (i.e. switching from bottom to top), switching to a particular position (i.e. switching from doggy style to missionary), using different levels of pleasure, etc.
What is a switch in BDSM, then, comes down to the perception of one participant as being” switched on” or “comfortable”. If one partner has a switch in their body, that means they are more sensitive than the other and are more open to varying levels of pleasure and experiences. On the other hand, if the switch is discovered after the fact (as is often the case when one is in “the mood” but finds that they are not aroused to the point of orgasm), it is usually because one partner intentionally minimizes the intensity of the experience and uses the switch as an opportunity to feel more comfortable and “normal” – often, but not always, the result of the communication that took place before the switch. The point here is to note that switches in BDSM are very subtle.
The second aspect of what is a switch in BDSM is one that deals with power and control. Power and control in BDSM are frequently the result of the “betrayal” that occurs when one party is unable to control their experience during sex and decides to end it. At this point, the submissive partner – who likely feels emasculate, sad, and has been taken advantage of – will “switch on” their partner and let them know about their experience. In turn, the dominant partner may react in one of several ways: he/she will attempt to regain control; he/she will shut down or stop the physical stimulation and try to redirect the attention of his/her lover; he/she will offer a compromise that will satisfy one or both partners; or he/she will take a break and “cool off.” Regardless of the desired outcome, once this switch has taken place, it is usually permanent, meaning that the relationship is no longer functioning as a partnership in which each person has equal power and control.
What is a switch in BDSM is very subtle: it can be as subtle as one partner deciding to take a break from intercourse, to as drastic as a full-blown power struggle in which one partner forces the other to orgasm. If you find yourself in this situation, don’t feel bad! You are not the first BDSM couple to have this experience. As a matter of fact, many couples find it helpful to talk through their experiences when they start having problems, especially if the problems seem to be occurring more often. Also, you may find that talking through your experience will help you come to terms with your feelings and your desires more easily. It will be a lot easier to deal with if you know where your switch is coming from and why.
What is a switch in BDSM can be a challenge for any individual or couple. In fact, this is one of the main reasons why couples decide to seek help outside of the relationship in exploring different options, such as exploring sensual and erotic activities. In essence, knowing what is a switch in BDSM means knowing what kind of experience you and your partner will enjoy.
What is a switch in BDSM is important because it enables you to explore your own desires and what turns you on, and how those interests and desires differ from each other. Also, knowing what is a switch in BDSM means being able to talk about your preferences among the rest of your friends and family, and it also provides a healthy environment for learning and sharing. The truth is, no two vanilla married couples have the same tastes and desires, so it’s OK to explore them with someone else who isn’t married to you! So don’t feel bad if you want to try new things with someone you’re not married to right now. Just be honest with them and tell them what your intentions are… they should be fine with that.